“We only get one go at this”
This weeks blog is deeply personal, I am going to pour all my feelings out here. I am going through a difficult time at present. It’s a time of reassessment, validation, and contemplation. You see I am very different, and whilst everyone is different, I am even more.
I don’t conform, I question, I question a lot of things, not to be difficult, but its because I want to know the “WHY” in what we do. Whether this is work, relationships, life in general, family, etc. etc.
See this is my dream, my dream ultimately, being 34 years of age, is to just sell up all that I own and travel, travel for as long as I can. Why? Because it is the only time I feel I can be truly me. But like most of us and my parents and their parents before us is that society does not permit this type of thinking. Because for me I don’t suit the traditional workplace, bound by an office chair, reporting to superiors, doing what they say without question.
I look outside each day and wonder why am I not out there but in here? What is my obligation? Why cant I be me? Why do I have to be someone else five days a week?
I have a mortgage, I have investment’s, and I’ve worked hard for those and at 34 so far I have had a fantastic life. I have travelled to far away places, I have great friends an unbelievable family, so what is my issue?
My issue, is I can’t be me everyday. For five days out of seven, I have to be someone else, like the rest of us to survive I conform. So after all that I ask you these questions! Are you doing what you want to do? If not, why not? Why do you do what you don’t want to do? What’s the reason for that? Is it family, morals, upbringing, beliefs, fear, self-confidence? I know a few of them are my reasons.
I’ve struggled for sometime in seeking validation for my decisions. It’s no ones fault in particular, but I want to stop this habit. I can’t describe the feeling only that its like a “ball and chain”. I can move but not freely. So much resistance. I feel now is the time to break free from the “shackles”, live how I want to live, not conform, know that I don’t have too. Knowing there is a place in the world for everyone and that it doesn’t have to be where I am now.